I’ve grown up with some of the most outspoken, passionate and vulnerable people I know. As a child, I was the complete opposite of my family. I was shy, insecure and hated confrontation of any kind. I watched the women shaped me into a more confident, strong-willed individual. They’ve taught me how to speak my mind, be adventurous and have the biggest sense of humor.
Hispanic Heritage Month, a month filled of reflection and celebration, inspired me to dedicate this post to five women in my family who’ve paved the way for me to be myself.
1. My Mom
I can write a series of novels about my mom.
Everywhere I go my mother is the first person people see and want to speak to. There’s a hidden gift (and a curse) that I’m still mastering. People gravitate towards her for her honesty, humor and no nonsense attitude. I can always rely on her to be honest with me even when I don’t want to it.
As a child, I was too afraid of confrontation. It was a habit I definitely didn’t pick up from my mother. She is very outspoken and doesn’t let anyone walk all over her. When I was younger, I wanted to hide whenever she stood up for me. Whether it was returning to the hair salon after a messed-up eyebrow or running to my middle school after an altercation with a classmate, she pushed me to always speak up for myself don’t settle for what’s in front of me.
As women, we’re always using ‘sorry’ and ‘yes’ even when we don’t want to. We settle to accommodate others (men mostly) and once I got older, I decided to take those two things out of my vocabulary. My mom always taught me, what’s the harm of saying how you feel?
I still have slip ups and I still overanalyze on situations in hope that it goes away. But, I always think of my mother (my second self-conscious), telling me lift my head up and never be afraid to express myself even if someone isn’t ready for it.
2. Abuela
If you thought my mother was outspoken than you haven’t met my grandmother. She is the most honest person I know. But, what I love most about her is her independence. Abuela, whether she was married or had a boyfriend, was always an independent woman. She didn’t rely on no man to provide for her. She has always provided for herself and looked at her daughters for guidance.
I like to think I got my independence and creative side from her. When she’s not traveling with my aunt, visiting and staying in Puerto Rico months at a time, or watching her favorite competition shows on television (Her favorite is American Ninja Warrior), she has her side hustles keeping her busy.
As a child, she would create embroidery vases, dolls and tissue covers. When she wasn’t working on that, she was cooking her famous, delicious pasteles to sell to her many fans (No, seriously I’ve been pitching to open up an online business for it). And when there were plenty of pasteles in the freezer, she’s sharpening her mind and working on the largest puzzle pieces ever.
Abuela taught me to start with working on myself and never depend on someone else to make you happy. This opened up doors for me to be my true creative self, to put on different hats and not feel pressured to like a certain activity or hobby. Basically whatever makes me happy (have you tried scrapbooking?) keep at it.
3. Titi Janet
One person I thought of immediately when I studied abroad was my aunt. As a child, I saw her travel the world. I collected all the postcards from her trips and dreamt of one day doing the same. I’ve been surrounded by so many people who’ve never left the country, let alone left their borough, so to see my aunt discovering the world motivated me.
I’m so grateful I had the opportunities to travel the world with or without my family. It’s a privilege to have the chance to visit places, so many people dream of. But aside from going to these countries, most of the time my aunt took these adventures by herself and made friends along the way. It’s a common theme in my family that we thrive with independence. We take those opportunities to grow and learn from our experiences.
I can imagine all the friends my aunt has made through her travels. It’s been a long time since I ask her about those experiences. What was the food like? What are her happiness memories? Was there things that went unplanned, but came out to be the best things in her life? She taught me to always explore, don’t feel restricted by your four walls, and just do it.
4. Titi Abby
Another common theme – aside from no nonsense bs – is simply living our best life. I’m convinced Parks & Rec’s ‘Treat Yo' Self’ episode was inspired by my aunt. She works hard enough to treat herself every once and a while. Whether she’s doing her nails and hair or spending time with friends, she never steers away from staying humble.
Since my grandfather’s health has shifted, she's constantly been by her parents' side. She never complains and constantly puts her feelings aside to cater to everyone else. She treats herself by selflessly treating others.
She taught me how to balance my mental health. There are going to be bad days, where you have to step up and help others, but that doesn’t mean letting it take over your life. It’s okay to make time for yourself to recharge and give yourself a mental pat on the back. Don’t feel guilty for giving yourself the self-care that you needs.
5. Tita
My other grandmother Tita is the most sweetest person I know. She does so much for everyone around her and never complains about lending a helping hand. Since my grandfather’s health, she has been by his side through it all and began understanding a new chapter in her life – learning to navigate life without him always by her side.
The relationship she has with my grandfather is one for the books. When many people are giving up on love and finding love in all the wrong places, they show a pure example of love existing for over 50 years. The fact that she can’t be with him everyday doesn’t stop her from visiting him and talking to him over the phone. She may be 80 years old, but she doesn’t let her age or these obstacles stop her.
She taught me to be compassion, to support and care for others. There are times when I don’t understand how she can do it all, but then I remember I come from a long line of strong women. There’s no stopping the lengths my family can do for one another.
I’ve learned so much from the women in my family. It really does take a village to raise a child – or whatever that saying is. I’ve become the person I am today because I’m surrounded by different kinds of women, who’ve made an impact in my life one way or another. They have shown me what it means to be a strong and independent Latinx woman.
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